I’m All For The Massive US Military Budget As Long As Our Nation’s #1 Priority Remains Preventing Werewolves From Turning Non-Humans
NewsStoriesDetective Ascribes Hundreds Of Bodies Marked With Engraved Stones As Latest Victims Of Serial KillerSt. Cloud, FL – Furiously jotting down names and dates on a pocket notepad, Detective Ron Shrewd struggled to contain... Read More
NewsStoriesScientists Release Study Directly Correlating Lower Infant Mortality Rate With Declining Velociraptor PopulationIthaca, NY – Shocking news out of Cornell University today, as scientists at their research facility published a study correlating... Read More
NewsStoriesWoman Feels Real Sense Of Pride That She Outlived Everyone She’s Ever Cared AboutFishers, IN – Sporting a shit-eating grin as she unwittingly poured salt into her coffee, 97 year-old Ruth Berbun spoke... Read More
NewsStoriesKid Loses Respect For Mentor After Discovering He’s The Nerd Who Founded MicrosoftSeattle, WA – Burying his face in his hands to hide his teeth, gritted with frustration, 7-year-old Ronny Aaden couldn’t... Read More
NewsStoriesDetective Yells In Frustration When Suspect’s Parrot Suddenly Forgets ConfessionBeavercreek, OH – Nearly punching the wall in frustration, Detective Sean Gallen struggled to contain his irritation when Jeff, the... Read More
NewsStoriesScientist Blames Back To The Future For Setting Unrealistic Expectations As To How Easy Time Travel Makes Boning Your MomBoston, MA – Wearing a tired frown as he responded to a flurry of emails from damaged men inquiring about... Read More
NewsStoriesHandwriting Teacher Confident She’s Properly Educated The Next Wave Of Serial KillersAmes, IA – Sporting a self-satisfied smile as she struggled to discern who’s paper was whose, 3rd grade handwriting teacher... Read More
NewsStoriesParents Of Pokemon Lover Upset When Son Rejects Gifted Electricity RatPort Orange, FL – Angrily tossing beakers, lab coats, and mice carcasses into an open garbage can, local couple Vivian... Read More
NewsStoriesKinky Piñatas Upset They Weren’t Hit Hard Enough To BurstMoline, IL – Sporting little more than a crushed libido and dented forehead, Bojangles the kinky birthday piñata was disappointed... Read More
NewsStoriesSearch Party Member Questions Why Severed Leg In Woods Isn’t Enough Evidence To Cut LossesKent, WA – Sporting an exhausted grimace while trying to hide her Instagram scrolling, search party member Eve Bolin wondered... Read More